Saturday, August 7, 2010

That's what you get.

Yesterday my car battery decided to crap out in a strip mall parking lot. I was just stopping by, Gramma in tow, on my way home. Where was I? At the friendly, neighborhood porn shop. Of course.

I was plum out of fishnet thigh highs, and I had a party scheduled for early evening. So I thought I'd make a quick stop, grab the desired hosiery (plus some flavored condoms and a new vibrator, since I was there, and hey, I was low), then be on my way.

Nope. Two hours later, the tow truck finally arrived and was actually able to jump my car into life. Thank christ.

Before calling AAAA, I'd solicited the help of a dude with a big-ass truck and a fine set of tools but, as the tow truck dude explained, even a a big-ass truck's alternator isn't necessarily powerful enough to charge a battery as completely kaput as mine was.

Thank you, tow truck man. I was able to successful drop my gramma off with my sister in time to make a late yet successful appearance at the bachelor party I had scheduled.

Also, thanks to the dude with the large truck. I'm grateful for the help, even if it didn't work, and especially considering how you were recovering from the 'bomb-ass' mushroom trip you'd taken the day before. Plus the quote of the day, said chuckling as you scrubbed my car battery's knobby things with a wire brush, "That's what you get for taking your gramma to the porn shop. That's some kinky shit".

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Blink blink blink.

I have these new shoes that I can't get enough of. They're corny black stripper heels with little pink motion-sensor-activated LED lights inside of them that flash and blink.

Best response to them yet as I was rolling around on the floor at a bachelor party last weekend:

"Oh my god. It's like a light show with boobs."